Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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