seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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