I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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