That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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