I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize