if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
