By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
