Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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