we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize