Betty ford says i'm here all night
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
