duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
