I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize