Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
