I just cut my nipple shaving
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
