The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
