the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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