I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
