My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
