it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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