Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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