Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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