I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
