You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
