i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just had sex on a roof
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
