What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
