Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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