I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
