And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
