HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
