dude i'm inner monologue high
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
