just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
