You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize