He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
