Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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