my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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