i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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