I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
