those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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