we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
