Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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