Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
