I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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