Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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