Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It was like getting head from an anaconda
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
