I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
