Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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