I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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