one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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