maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
