I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
