Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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