so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
