the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just gargled with NyQuil
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
