How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
