i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
