you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
