Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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