If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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