If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
