Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
