yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
