White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
