DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
