i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize