brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
